My emotions are all over the place. I feel like crying. I want a carton of cigarettes. Fuck cigs. I hate them. I never want to see another cigarette. I miss them. But I don’t. I’m nervous. I’m so excited for surgery. I’m devastated how much weight I’ve gained so quickly. I’m determined to get back with the Furhman style eating tomorrow. I’m terrified, angry, fussy, sad, lonely, and irritated. I’m sleepy, anxious and having trouble getting out of my own headspace. I want to laugh. I want to have sex. I want to cry. A lot. I feel like if I could just release all the stress (and not by putting another bite of food in my damned mouth!!! Grrr)… I’d feel better.
I simply want to feel better.
8 days until surgery.